My poor blog how lonely and neglected you must feel.  I can’t believe  it has been over a month since my last post.  You must feel the same way my social life does, neglected and forgotten!

Sure I used to have one, a social life that it is.  Before kids I would go out with friends, have dates with my hubby, attend concerts, sporting events, spur of the moment weekend getaways, even the occasional upscale dining experience.  I was never a big partier, being somewhat of a shy, wall flower type I preferred to stay in the background but managed to have fun none the less.

Once I had kids, my social life all but disappeared.  Heck I can count the number of date nights on one hand, that I’ve had with my husband in the past 6 years! Life with kids gets busy and they are only little for so long that I have wanted to enjoy every minute I can with them.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my children and would sacrifice just about anything to make them happy.  I just didn’t realize how much of myself I have been sacrificing.  Seems I have forgotten about the me that existed before children.

Choosing to be a stay at home mom is something I do not regret.  But it can be very lonely and isolating at times.  Enter Twitter. When my husband first introduced the concept to me, I didn’t understand why I would want to use it. That quickly changed however,  when I discovered how easy it was to chat with other moms.  All of sudden I went from having no adult interaction during the day to being able to log on when I had a few kid free moments and find someone to chat and commiserate with.  I guess I didn’t realize just how isolated I had become and my husband was grateful I had other people to rant and rave to other than him!

Twitter is perfect for a painfully shy person like myself because I can actually have a conversation with someone without getting out from behind my keyboard.  I am the worst at going up to people and introducing myself.  And forget about going to an event or party by myself, where I have never met anyone there.  Gives me the shakes just thinking about it and my first instinct is to say no way am I doing that and run for the hills!  But what am I teaching my kids if I don’t step outside my own comfort zone and show them that even Mommy can do things she’s not comfortable with.

So my friends, it’s time to change all that.  I am taking a big step outside my comfort zone, getting out from behind this keyboard and attending Kathy Buckworth’s book party at Collected Works, next Wednesday night.  I will finally get to meet some of the wonderful women I have, until now, only chatted with online.  Hopefully my nerves won’t show, I won’t get all tongued tied and nervous and will be one step closer to regaining some sort of social life.

This has been a very hard post to write, and at times I thought I could not get through it. But since I discovered that October 15th is Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day (I didn’t even know such a day existed – check it out here www.October15.com), I felt it was appropriate to write this post today.

This post is about a very personal loss and today was supposed to have been a most joyous occasion.
But it’s not.

This was to have been a day of new life.
But it’s not.

It was supposed to have been a day of promise.
But it’s not.

I was supposed to have you in my arms.
But you’re not.

My arms still ache to hold you.
But I can’t.

Your brother and sister were supposed to have a new sibling.
But they don’t.

We were supposed to see your face, hear your voice, your laugh.
But we won’t.

I have been struggling with many different emotions over the past few months.  There has been pain, grief, sadness, despair, heartache, anger and rivers of tears (oh boy have there been tears!).

You were taken from us before we even had a chance to know you.  Losing you was one of the hardest and most painful things I have ever endured.  Still is.

But life goes on and although today I will reflect on what could have been, I will also remember the blessings I have.  A loving husband who has been my rock these past few months, while at the same time grieving right along with me.  My two beautiful and healthy children for whom I thank God everyday. And those people I have met (in real life and online) who have shared their own painful stories with me and helped me to realize that I am not alone and that although I will never forget, the pain will start to ease.

So today as I remember our loss I know that there is now an angel up in heaven looking out for my family, and that one day I will get to hold that angel in my arms.

Now that summer is over, and school is back in session, I find myself craving uninterrupted family time, like we had during the summer months.  I know that school only started three weeks ago but this is the first year that my son is going all day (that is a whole other post!) and I miss the time we had during the summer, just the four of us.

Our days are now filled with going back and forth to school, making lunches, homework and new fall activities.  So before life gets even busier, we ran away to the cottage for the weekend, to reconnect as a family and reflect on the first few days of our new routines.  That meant no phones, computers (my twitter addiction doesn’t seem to have suffered!) or tv and lots of fleece to keep us warm since the cottage is not insulated!

The weather was perfect for playing outside during the day.  We chased frogs and sat on the deck to watch the ducks and boats go by.  At night we made do-it-yourself pizzas, played cards, did puzzles and snuggled together to keep warm.  I even managed to sneak away and do a little retail therapy at some of my favourite stores in Merrickville.  In fact the shopping trip became necessary (really it did!), once I discovered in my haste to get out of town, that I had forgotten to pack all our toiletries!

My kids love going to the cottage and always find creative ways to keep themselves amused.  And even though we do a lot of the same things during the summer, it just seems different in the fall.  The air is crisper, leaves are changing colour which means the landscape is changing and there were no bugs to chase  us inside.

It was peaceful, relaxing and a perfect way to unwind after a busy start to the fall season.  The icing on the cake would have been a trip to the Hershey Plant for some yummy chocolate, but sadly those days have past.

The best part was that we had fun as a family and can’t wait to do it again before we have to close up the cottage for the winter.

Do you find life getting busier?  Do you find ways to slow down and reconnect as a family?  Would love to hear other ideas on reconnecting.

Until next time, Live Well, Laught Often, Love Much.