OttawaMom

Posts Tagged ‘grief’

I can’t believe Christmas Eve is here!  The closer we have gotten to the big day, the more excited the kids have gotten.  I have too but with a little bit of sadness mixed in.

I am happy and blessed that I have a happy and healthy family and that we can all get together to celebrate in various forms over the next few days.  But I am a mix of emotions as well because we won’t be celebrating our little angel’s First Christmas.  Having already had two Firsts, I know how special they are and am a little wistful that we won’t be having another one.  But at the same time I am excited to share this special time with my children and see the magic of the season through their eyes.  Christmas really is all about the kids and it’s so much fun!!

So I will be smiling through the tears (Christmas music makes my cry on a good day lol) and enjoying every minute of the next few days while at the same time remembering our little angel.  Told you I was a mix of emotions.

On a happier note, the kids are going to be jumping for joy tomorrow night when they open their gifts from Grandma and Grandpa.  I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when they see what their grandparents have in store for them come January!  Sorry folks but it has to remain a secret until the kids find out and then I can shout it from the roof tops!!

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and may the magic of the holiday season stay with you through the New Year.

This has been a very hard post to write, and at times I thought I could not get through it. But since I discovered that October 15th is Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day (I didn’t even know such a day existed – check it out here www.October15.com), I felt it was appropriate to write this post today.

This post is about a very personal loss and today was supposed to have been a most joyous occasion.
But it’s not.

This was to have been a day of new life.
But it’s not.

It was supposed to have been a day of promise.
But it’s not.

I was supposed to have you in my arms.
But you’re not.

My arms still ache to hold you.
But I can’t.

Your brother and sister were supposed to have a new sibling.
But they don’t.

We were supposed to see your face, hear your voice, your laugh.
But we won’t.

I have been struggling with many different emotions over the past few months.  There has been pain, grief, sadness, despair, heartache, anger and rivers of tears (oh boy have there been tears!).

You were taken from us before we even had a chance to know you.  Losing you was one of the hardest and most painful things I have ever endured.  Still is.

But life goes on and although today I will reflect on what could have been, I will also remember the blessings I have.  A loving husband who has been my rock these past few months, while at the same time grieving right along with me.  My two beautiful and healthy children for whom I thank God everyday. And those people I have met (in real life and online) who have shared their own painful stories with me and helped me to realize that I am not alone and that although I will never forget, the pain will start to ease.

So today as I remember our loss I know that there is now an angel up in heaven looking out for my family, and that one day I will get to hold that angel in my arms.